Tag Archives: www.hadafewbeers.com

Things about having a blog that piss me off, besides calling it a blog I mean.

I’ve wanted to do this for a while, basically since day one, but saying that blogging sucks on the first day you blogged makes you a giant whiner. I am not a giant whiner, I’m a smallish whiner damn it.

So let’s get started with the whining, shall we?

This first one is directed at the people who run WordPress, hosts of this hadafewbeers.com thing. None of you are to blame for this issue (unlike the other issues, which we’ll get to, you bastards) but I felt like I had to share it.

When I write something, I make sure there are tons and tons of grammatical errors, misspelled words, run-on sentences, incoherent thoughts and finally lots of missing

See, see it happened again … damn it wordpress.com, why does this keep happening?

Then I hit a button, literally a button that says, “publish.”   Every time I hit this button I remember something I needed to do before I was ready to publish, (you know, like make a joke about boobs, include words in the update, remove that photo of my testicles that I found really, really funny last night but not so funny in the morning) so while the computer and the “internetz” are working together toward publishing the update I’m busy yelling out in my kitchen, “FUCK I FORGOT TONS OF SHIT I WAS GOING TO DO … FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!”

Dagmar loves that last part especially.

The retarded joke two paragraphs up aside, when I hit “publish” what I expect to happen is I’ll still be looking at the exact same screen I was looking at when I hit the button.

Not with WordPress, oh no. With WordPress, you get a retarded, “Congratulations, You’ve posted XXX number of updates” screen. Truth is I’ve only done about 75 of these “updates,” “blogs,” “posts,” “making an ass of myself,” whatever you call them, so maybe it’ll stop someday. I can’t imagine more senior people doing this getting a “Congratulations you’ve posted 42,136 posts,” screen but who knows.

I defer to sweet mother here, I defer and pray that someday it stops.

Next up, sex, and by next up I mean right f’ing now baby!

Fortunately these days I get more hits per day than the WordPress “stats/search terms” link indicates.  Meaning, it shows me the most popular search terms that brought a reader here, but it’s less than the actual readers who, presumably, read here.

Which is a good thing because the search terms make even me blush. I, at one point, (when they were the only hits I got here basically) encouraged it, but not anymore. If you’ve read here for more than 9 months you know what they are.   There is a new one though, a new one that makes no sense.

People are coming here because of beeg.com. Don’t fucking go there. Really. I mean it. And don’t come back and later say, “Well you can’t expect me to not go there when you said, ‘Don’t go there!’” Because, yes, yes I can expect you to not go there. First off, its silly. It appears to be the Huffpo of porn, meaning there’s no original content, just postings of porn from legit porn sites. My antivirus program caught on fire two seconds into my own visit. While I searched, and really it was a search – as in why are people coming to my retarded blog from here—I realized that if Dagmar walked in my legitimate research would not be easily explained.

Dagmar:  Are you looking at porn?

Me:  Well, technically yes, but it’s for the blog so its okay. In fact it’s kind of like work!

Which every husband knows, is exactly how that conversation would go.

This leads to my next issue … the fucking cat. Listen cat, can you stop leaving mouse heads on the door step? I mean look at that thing. It looks like a mafia warning. I realize this has nothing to do with blogging, boobs or with beer, but fuck, its gross kitty. Stop it.

Finally, I’d like to thank most of the world. You people rock. This retarded endeavor gets hits from all over the world and wow, that’s cool. I mean countries I would never expect to have a readership here …. have a readership here. I’m looking at you Canada with your 1,272 unique views – all of which were probably achieved by some chick named Whitney hitting control F5 over and over again – but still, you Canadian’s rock.

But Uruguay, Isle of Man and (this is a country?) Brunei Darussalam I need all

Come on Isle of Man … wtf?

of you to pick it up a bit, OK.   Each of you are in the single digits for visits. Step it!

I wouldn’t have thought I needed to remind ‘Isle of Man” about this sort of thing but, here we are.

Four easy things you can do to help Sgt. 1st Class Walter Taylor. Also boobs and beer.

This update is all about four easy things you can do to help Sgt. 1st Class Walter Taylor because here at www.hadafewbeers.com we’re all about the charity. And beer. And boobs.

For anyone that needs a recap about Taylor’s situation here’s the link, because finding new ways to describe the same situation, over and over again, ain’t fun and we like fun here …

So let’s hit it with some easy stuff you can do to help raise money for Taylor’s defense.

1. Donate, duh.

You can go here. It literally takes three minutes. Click the donate now link, select the amount you want to give (for anything over $30 you get a free bumper sticker), add your personal information and bam, you’re a great American.

Seriously, you’re a great American if you do that. Look giving to charity IS a good thing I think we all agree but most charities have a marketing campaign and/or a marketing staff of professionals. Taylor has me, retarded blogger that makes sauna boner and boob jokes, and someone named Diane in Texas that I’ve never met. Hey Diane!

2. You can repost this AND I don’t mean just on Facebook (but totally repost

Hey FB friends, you should totally give money and read this dude’s blog. It’s about a wounded warrior AND boobs.

this on facebook and ask your friends to do that same!)

I doubt it will come as a shock to anyone that the internet consists of more than just Facebook and porn. An amazing four percent of internet content isn’t even related to Facebook or pornography; I know that fact because I just made it up.

Rick, yeah Army guys vs. Dinosaurs on Rick’s BMW hood, frequents a BMW forum. I know this because Rick once told me.

Rick: “Yeah I was on the BMW discussion form and one of the members, BMWBONER09, told us how you can totally reprogram your key to automatically deflate the tires dude.”

Me: “Rick you are so fucking weird.”

Actually that’s a pretty typical exchange between Rick and I, but I digress.

Point is if you frequent an online forum of any sort, mention Taylor’s plight there. Whether it’s the World of Warcraft’s “DROODS RULE DUDEZ” forum or the “Hello kitty super fun time forum” that you frequent, bring it up there … this is all about getting the word out.

Word of caution though I did it on two forums I frequent and got my shit handed to me by some of the more liberal, skeptical posters. I’m a big kid though and I can take it. And by ‘take it’ I mean I cried, literally, like a little girl.

Finally if you do this, post a comment here or send me an email (oliveritay@gmail.com) … I’ll lend a hand if I can.

3. Do something local

HAVE A BAKE SALE! Okay I’m totally fucking kidding on that one, don’t have a bake sale, unless you REALLY, REALY want to have a bake sale and in that case knock your socks off. What I mean by local though is ask a local organization to consider doing something to help Taylor. Ask your local VFW or American Legion if they would consider helping. I’m a member of bowling team, because I hate myself, and I’m going to ask the league for permission to solicit donations. I figure who feels more sympathetic toward wounded veterans facing stiff legal fees than bowlers? Shocked that didn’t come to me sooner!

What this blogs about boobs AND wants money for charity … this is the best idea since the romans put the christians and the lions in the same event. I also stole that, totally, from Black Adder.

4. Give us suggestions about how we can raise money

Look most of my blog entries here are about Dagmar outwitting me, beer, Dagmar outwitting me, boobs, Dagmar outwitting me and boobs. Also I like to talk about boobs, so there’s that.

Point is that there aren’t any cute photos of kittens and puppies that need loving home or videos of vicious 12-year-olds ‘attacking’ grandma ala Karen Klein (I just rolled my eyes) there’s just a brave soldier facing serious charges and a crapton of legal bills.

But if you have an idea about what I, or anyone else, could do to help raise cash lay it on me (oliveritaly@gmail.com). When I started blogging about this less than $2,000 had been raised and today, less than a week later, it’s up to almost $5,000. That’s because of you all! Awesome everyone, have a beer on me! While still short of the goal that’s $3,000 in less than seven days.

Post a comment here or send me an email, let me know what your idea is … Mine is a contest where the highest donation totally get a beer and sweet boobs picture.