Tell us your Valentine’s day horror stories, win free stuff

Are you glad the holidays are over?

Not so fast fuckers. Cupid is breathing down our necks.

Did you feel his hot-cherub breath just then? Smells like broken promises, abandoned dreams and premature ejaculation doesn’t it?

Valentine’s Day is all up in our faces.

Married men blow it off until the last second, married women are jaded by it, dating men fear it, dating ladies look forward to it, single chicks dread it and single men play their Xbox One and laugh at the rest of us during this holiday.

Oh, how they laugh at the rest of us …

Single dudes are assholes.

We have a bit of a tradition here at Had a Few Beers surrounding Valentine’s Day. The tradition of lonely, single and (I can vouch for this part) attractive women ranting about what a crapfest of a holiday Valentine’s Day is.

First we had this and then this one. Both were spectacular rants from very attractive and funny ladies.

This year I want to open up the floor and solicit input. I also don’t want to write anything myself for publication on the 14th of February.

Because I’m lazy.

Basically, I’d like to pay you to write something for me.

Now let’s be clear, I’m not paying you in cold-hard cash, and no this isn’t an elaborate joke where I send you a photo of my balls again. That kind of thing is only funny once. I’d like to pay with a gift from the Had a Few Beers store.


Yeah, we know the logo looks like a dick with balls, but that’s what makes it even funnier. Pointing out the obvious joke in the logo helps no one.

Anyway here’s the deal , if you write something and we use it you can have one of these.


Pictured: Proudest moment of my life…

I promise to send you a pair of smoking-hot boobs … I mean I’ll give you free a Had a Few Beers stein. That shit costs like $20.  If you don’t like beer stop reading this and … fine we’ll work out the details of whatever a “prohibitionist time traveler and Valentine’s Day hater” like you wants as a free gift. Maybe a Had a Few Beers coffee mug is your thing, or a Had a Few Beers G-string?

Pictured: every photo chicks have sent me wearing Had A Few Beers Panties

Pictured: The photo every chick has sent me wearing Had A Few Beers Panties

Point is, you’ll get something.

What we’re looking are funny Valentine’s Day stories. I don’t care if you’re married, single, dating, male or female. If you have a funny Valentine ’s Day story, let us have it. Awkward first date on Valentine’s Day with your future husband? Write it up. Had a crush on a super hot girl and it all went to shit on Valentine’s Day? Write it up. Killed your first hooker on Val … turn yourself in. Sicko.

We’re looking for anything between 1,000 and 1,500 words (more or less) and FUNNY.

Deadline is Feb. 3. Send your craptastic Valentines Day thoughts to us at

Also, did you see those tits with a Had a Few Beers mug! Look at those tits!  Awesome!

One response to “Tell us your Valentine’s day horror stories, win free stuff

  1. Pingback: Screw that screw that unscrewed its screw hole … I’m screwed | hadafewbeers

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