Current news stories about automated airport doors that are sinisterly Orwellian in nature; a child suspended from school for drawing a ninja toting a gun; and a state senator charged with cocaine possession all pale in comparison to a father arrested for having the audacity to attempt to walk his children home from school.
Originally linked on Gawker, the story, as aired by Channel 6 in Knoxville Tenn., tells the tale of a father and his finance’s attempt to walk their two children home after the school implemented a policy that dictated kids could only be picked up by car.
The car-only policy created huge, dangerous traffic jams and irked the hell
out of father Jim Howe. What’s the problem with the otherwise mundane, even Andy Griffin-like task of walking a kid home from school? According to the local school board, parents were required to queue up in their cars to pick up their children. This – of course – creates frustrating traffic jams and led Howe to try his radical solution – a solution, it should be mentioned, that has existed since the invention of legs. His obvious attempts at anarchy landed Howe in jail because who fucking knows?
It’s unclear to me why the school enacted it’s kids-can-only-be-picked-up-in-a-car policy, but the absurdity of the situation is further magnified by the fact that the school, in a bizarre and ill-fated attempt to streamline the after-school problem, created dangerous traffic jams on a local highway.
So, just as you’re shaking your head about national government’s failures like the launch of the AMA or the recent government shut down, just remember that your local government, hell your local school board, is fully capable of behaving just as irresponsibly as those serving at a national level.
In other news, what the fuck is this democrat thinking? As a life-long democrat I don’t get to say that very … oh hell, I say it once a week at least, but this time it’s a real “What the fuck is this democrat thinking,” moment.
Hawaii state representative Tom Brower, democrat and raging asshole, has taken to smashing the few meager possessions of homeless people with a sledgehammer. Really, he takes a sledgehammer and get’s all “Incredible Hulk” on the shopping carts the less fortunate use to transport their paltry possessions.
I first spotted this story Wednesday morning on Facebook and I couldn’t believe it was true. Due to my own prejudices I fully assumed the douche mentioned in this article was a republican. I was wrong.
You know how once in a while someone on the left will point out some sort of idiocy spewed by the right (birth control causes breast cancer, rape victims can’t get pregnant, Sarah Palin is a competent and intelligent American citizen) and insists that the mainstream right wingers denounce that person?
Well I’d like everyone to denounce this poster child for retroactive abortion.
Representative Brower said he has taken to smashing shopping carts used by homeless people because, and I fucking quote, “____”.
Actually, I can’t find a quote that adequately explains why he’s doing this. I’ll assume he’s mentally disturbed and needs help. But more likely he just really, really likes the publicity.
Claiming, somewhat correctly, that the carts used by the homeless are stolen property, Brower says he hasn’t actually targeted a cart that a an actual homeless person was actually pushing — yet. Really, the fucker said, “Yet.”
Here’s a novel idea Mr. Brower, that is not something democrats elected to office should do. Hell, that’s not what republicans elected to office should do. It’s something no one with an ounce of fucking empathy should do. It is, however, what thugs, bullies and fucking Nazis do. With that warped thinking it’s clear you shouldn’t be elected to any office that wields more power than chief dog catcher. Well, that’s actually cruel to stray dogs. You’re more than a joke Brower, you’re a sack-of-shit bully and I hope your constituents remember what a dick you are come reelection time.
Also please shove that sledgehammer up your self-righteous ass, thanks.
Let’s go back though to the eight-year old suspended in Arizona (my home state, they make me so proud sometimes) for drawing a ninja with a gun. The Scottsdale school’s retarded decision aside, has anyone in Scottsdale ever watched a movie or television program in America? Wait, never mind, is it Scottsdale after all — a haven of rich self-righteous pricks lacking any quality or feature that could even vaguely be construed as unique or interesting. It’s not at all shocking that Scottsdale bureaucracy would react to an 8-year old drawing something.
And the most obvious error in this scenario has been overlooked. Someone needs
to sit this kid down and explain some basic facts.
Ninjas don’t have guns.
Look, I know you’re only 8 so I’m willing to forgive your ignorance this once.
As this authoritative guide to ninja’s clearly points out, ninja’s don’t need guns. Ninja’s kick ass on guitar, they make spicy tacos and get like 18 boners, but they don’t have guns. Pirates on the other hand, they have guns. So repeat after me; Ninja’s don’t have guns and pirates are wimps.
The Official Ninja Webpage spells it out quite clearly:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Notice, there are no guns. You’re welcome.
Speaking of Facetard, what the fuck is up right now with everyone putting five things people didn’t know about them as a status update?
Look, maybe I was wrong with the equal sign in the profile picture supporting marriage equality, but I was right about the damned Giraffe and I’m right about this crap too.
You want to know five things about me? Great here we go. 1) I like beer. 2) My left testicle hangs slightly lower than the right one. 3) I once blogged about shitting my pants (something I’m fairly sure Earnest Hemingway meant to do before he killed himself) 4) Boobs 5) I’m done with today’s blog.