Geek-flag warning: PC gaming couldn’t be better and it sucks right now.

If you’ve ever had more than a passing interest in computer games you’re aware of the old internet, “You’re a dick, no you’re a dick,” argument about which is better console or computer games.

If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about that’s totally OK. There’s been a 100 year’s war among “gamers’ about which is better, games played on the computer or games played on a console (Xbox, Nintendo, Wii, etc).

I’m a PC gamer. I’m not saying in any way shape or form that console gamers are at all inferior, stupider, lacking devolved reproductive parts or have sex with ugly people (like they’re known to do) with that statement.

You console gamers are awesome in your own right. I own an Xbox 360 myself. It’s in my man cave connected to a giant flatscreen and I last used it like four months ago because I prefer to sit at the kitchen table when I commit my acts of nerdvana.

That said, I’m certain with 100 percent clarity that console gamers are at this moment much happier with their form of gaming than we computer gamers are.

Here’s why.

So, so, so sexy ...

So, so, sexy …

Back in the day, back when men clubbed women over the head with a “SoundBlaster 64 audio card” in order to have sex with them*, PC gamers installed games they had purchased on their “personal computers.” These PCs were monstrous devises that delivered striking 256 colors through their cancer causing monitors and heated a small room due to their 486 CPU speed awesomeness. I’m pretty sure using a mouse back then involved a system of pulleys and levers.

I have no idea what console gamers were doing during the early 1990’s. Crying, alone in a dark room is what I assumed at the time. (Any proficient console gamer knows we were playing Sonic the Hedgehog on Nintendo 64. Duh. ~ Fran)

But back then, and even until a few short years ago, console gamers and PC gamers had one very simple thing in common. We owned the games we played. We bought them. Well, a lot of fuckers just pirated them and I’m guilty as well, but as soon I realized that playing a decent computer game also meant I should shell out the dollars, I stopped pirating.

No matter how shitty the PC game was, you owned the physical disc. You could play it. It might fail to load, it might not save your game or hell it might shoot out electrical rays of death into your balls, but the fucker played.

Not anymore. (And I miss the electric rays of ball death honestly.)

Today all PC games are downloaded from a server, which is great, until it’s not.


Oh shit.

Here’s an awesome example, I recently purchased Rome: Total War II because I love the Total War series. I’m a geek that way. I still play Rome: Total War which was released in 2004. I bought Rome: Total War II because I’m a huge fan. I bought it knowing full well it might suck.  The launch of the game totally sucks, but the game itself doesn’t suck. Shitty launch aside (Obamacare critics take note) it’s great.  My only bitch is that I can’t fucking play it at the moment because the game I bought, that I intend to play offline, is always updating.

Think about that. If I intend to play it online with friends, then OK, we all need to be operating off a common version of the code that runs the game. But I’m not planning on playing it online and don’t care what shitty rule set it fixes. I’ll gladly download your patch, but let me play the game I paid for. Yet, I can’t because more and more PC gaming is starting to suck, and that sucks.

Trust me, her boobs were big

Trust me, her boobs were big

When I was 25 years old $60 for a game was a discussion I had to have with my wife.

“Look honey, I need to buy Baldurs Gate because that druid chick has a really sweet rack,” I never said. This is because $60 was a ton of cash back then.

It’s still an important bit of moola today, I’m lucky I can just buy the goddamn game without having to ask permission, but it oddly seems like I’m still waiting for permission to play …

* I’d never actually club a woman over the head with the Sound Blast, because it would have damaged the audio card.

2 responses to “Geek-flag warning: PC gaming couldn’t be better and it sucks right now.

  1. I’ve been a console gamer. Abandoned it. Still a PC gamer, will be until I die.

    • Dude I’m with you … when we moved into our house here I, for the first time, had a man cave and was given permission to “trick that shit out”. I did and part of that was an Xbox, and they DO have some amazing games. But really at the end of the day … meh.

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