Guest Blogger Bron: Guys and Girls CAN(‘T) just be Friends!

“You know guys and girls can’t be friends, right?” I said to her, my eyes narrow slits of condescension. This happened last week on a Seattle ferry boat ride.

Red flag and I have a bikini!

Red flag and I have a bikini which I think is code for I’m bat-shit nuts.

“I have a lot of male friends.” she said with an eyebrow arched. “I don’t play well with women. I’ve gotten really good at the platonic thing now. Really, I have.”

In my mind, a flag pole started to grow up and out of her perfectly coiffed hair and a red flag started to sprout toward the sky.  It waved at me loud and proud.

My wife’s friend Candy must have noticed my flummoxed expression because she was looking at me the same way a cat looks at a baked potato – curiosity mixed with irritation. My God, had she never seen the classic film When Harry Met Sally?  She’s in her mid-to-late 20s for Christ’s sake.  That was when I asked myself why have women still not come to a consensus on this issue?

It’s obvious. Did I have to explain it to her?

At this point, you might ask yourself – why then – is the title of this entry:  Guys and Girls CAN be Just Friends? Let me tell you why.

Part of it has to do with search engines (as in porn, lots of internet porn) and also the whole “guys and girls CAN’T be friends” issue has been done to death in blogs, movies, literature, and YouTube.  So, let me get to the gravy on how this works.

It’s situation based — as all relationships are.

Here are the three situations in which a guy and a girl can be just friends:

Friendzone or gayzone?  Whichever.

Friendzone or gayzone? Whichever.

Situation #1
When either the guy or girl is 100 percent gay. Not 50 percent. Not 99 percent. They have to be 100 percent gay. Fag hags have proven this theory to be true since the dawn of disco. They often form quite close friendships with gay men which can last for decades. There are also lesbians who have true platonic friendships with heterosexual men known as dyke tykes or Dutch boys or dyke Mikes or lesbimen (depending on where you live). I must note, however, that a real hetero man will still be waiting for a moment of weakness, so “watch your six,” girls.

Situation #2
If you’re coworkers.  It’s still debatable whether or not work friends are real friends to begin with, but I’ll save that topic for another day. The one caveat to this situation is that you must work closely with him/her daily within the same department. If you work in a large corporation and you meet a girl in marketing that you will never have to interact with, it’s game on. Try to avoid the friendzone as per usual.

Situation #3
When you are a married couple and you hang out with other married couples. If you double date, then you are friends with the guy and the girl. As long as everyone involved is committed to their relationship you should have no problems. Swinging couples play by their own rules and they are not part of this situation. Friends don’t let friends blow their husbands, but friends with benefits do.

Back on the ferry, I asked Candy more about her “friends.” She eventually admitted they were a herd of men she could talk to at the drop of a hat. Many of them she had slept with in the past. She said they were satisfied now with just “hanging out” as friends. We all know that last part just isn’t true, don’t we? The Friendzone is better than the NOzone in their case, I’m guessing.

“What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form –  is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” – Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally, 1989

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Beers note:  That video is HYSTERICAL.  Watch it.  Talk about telling …

6 responses to “Guest Blogger Bron: Guys and Girls CAN(‘T) just be Friends!

  1. I am 100% lesbian when it comes to relationships, but add alcohol and my male friends become experiments in heterosexual adventures.

    • Great, now we can’t be friends! Hope your proud of yourself 😉

      • We are proof that women and men CAN be friends – even if they have drunken sexual adventures. So we can still be friends. Also, we never had sex, I just showed you my boobs, which doesn’t count. Boobs should be freely shown to anyone who wants to see them. I have great boobs and it would do a disservice to boobs everywhere if I didn’t share them.

  2. Great, now we can’t be friends!

  3. Pingback: One hundred bottles of blog on the wall! Our 100th beer, I mean blog update | hadafewbeers

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