Women are evil.
It’s because they are helpless little frail creatures unable to confront men that makes them evil.
If you ask a man married for more than 6 months if women are evil he will think for a moment and say, they can be. Ask any man married longer than 6 months if women are evil and he will tell you stories.
This is a story.
As I just said women are frail creatures that like flowers, the color pink or purple and cats. They like cats because cats kill stuff and that makes no sense at all when you think about it.
Men on the other hand are hulking brutes that invented things like guns, beer and playboy centerfolds. We’re just smart enough to not kill ourselves at any given moment and sometimes we’re not all that smart then even.
Perhaps it’s not that women are evil it’s just that women are smarter and the ones that we’ve let into our daily lives (day after, after day, after day, after day, after … oh god I need a beer) they gain an understanding of how to manipulate our behavior without our ever knowing our behavior was manipulated until after the manipulation occurred and then damn, it’s too late, you’ve been manipulated!
Women are manipulating.
My wife’s under the impression that I stay up to late and, years ago, she was right. It’s hard to use a brain at anywhere near functioning capacity when you routinely go to bed at 2 a.m. and have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. but lately, the last year or so, it’s been a reasonable, I think, 9:30 or 10:00 at night for me.
I’m old screw you and get off my .com kids.
Going to bed a bit earlier is a good thing but for her that means 8:00 p.m. because the cat needs milking in the morning and someone needs to feed the washer and dryer I guess.
Truly I don’t need to be up until 1 a.m. reading scientific journals and … okay I was totally trying to get to level 78 on my super wizard on everdork, or worldofdorkness or you’re not my mom so shut up.
Anyway in my mind 9:30 is perfectly reasonable. It gives me plenty of time to post “it is NOT” on Facebook and to like people’s photos of kittens. I specifically do not share things that people say 99 percent of their friends will not share because I want to be in the majority for once.
So I use that time to NOT do things as well, pretty smart amiright?!?!?!
So last night came and at 8 p.m. the following (typical dialog) occurred.
Her: It’s 8 and I’m going to bed are you coming?
Me: Not yet I’ve got a lot of facebook liking about this whole Chickfila thing to do!
Me: (with an eye-roll) Loser, are you new to the ‘net’ or what? If you support gay rights you have to go on facebook and like all the Chickfila appreciation days posts you see … man go to bed, I have work to do.
Her: Umm no, that’s not right Todd. The folks liking the Chickfila appreciating day are supporting the company’s decision to give millions of dollars to anti-gay marriage groups.
Me: No, that’s not … wait, they are against (quick Google) HOLY SHIT I HAVE LIKE 40 THOUSAND LIKES TO UNLIKE!
Her: Come to bed soon.
I did go to bed is the point. At 9:30 after a vigorous work out of my right hand index finger during operation ‘unlike’.
And slept like a baby.
I don’t know about you but I’m a one snooze on the alarm kinda person, sure sometimes we hit it twice but I try for only one personally.
The alarm when off, I smacked it, swore under my breath that someone should
legislate a 10 am start of work law or something and then at 6:40 a.m. did my duty and got out of bed. Bathroom break taken care of I headed down stairs for a cup of coffee and scan of the headlines on the iPad only to discover some asshole invented a 5:40 a.m. and I was currently living in it.
If you don’t know what happened go but up and read the first paragraph again. Part of her plan to get me to go to bed earlier is to start setting my alarm earlier.
Women are evil I tell you.
I fixed her though, I took a nap on the couch from 5:50 to 6:30 … it was a pretty good nap too.