Put your books, phones, computers and iPads away … wait keep those last three so you can read this.
A: How much is too much for a quality Columbian hooker?
B: Homeless puppies in Central and South America how do we solve the crisis?
C: A plea from Central and South American nations asking the United States to reevaluate its drug policy?
If you answered ‘A’ I want to party with you. If you answered ‘C’, you’re like me and god help you.
I knew about the conference before the scandal broke. I mean I read about the agenda and thought okay this will be good. I knew about it not because I’m a drug junkie hoping U.S. drug policies are relaxed but because I’m a news junkie.
And like most junkies my addiction pisses me off. The media itself, when I boil it down, doesn’t piss me off. ‘We’ piss me off.
The media isn‘t left, right or center. They’re not. They’re a business. They’re there to make money. The stories they cover and the ways they are covered are designed to attract readers, viewers or on the net, clickers.
They’ve also figure out that they have to cater to our idiocy, our base instincts and our lack of a desire to hear about anything more interesting than; shark kills swimmer, pretty white kid is missing and of course SEX!
This is why the news is “filled” with stories about Secret Service agents banging hot Columbian prostitutes and not, wait for it, WHAT THE FUCK the conference was about in the first place.
Which story, at the end of the day, is more important? Does the fact that some the secret service agents banged hookers really matter more than what our president discussed with the leaders of counties south of us?
If you picked the first one I hate you and will soon fly to your house to personally punch you.
That’s why I love news but hate everyone, including myself.
Before this story broke it was INTERESTING! Okay it wasn’t exactly interesting, but it was relevant. I mean it mattered.
For all I know Venezuela gave Obama a “we’re sorry we’ve been dicks” Hallmark card, Raoul Castro offered to have open and free elections and Mexico announced it just discovered a shit-ton of oil and that whole illegal immigration problem the GOP keeps bitching about would soon be over.
Okay the last one is actually bad news for all involved but still it’s better information than a pissed off ‘woman of the night’ losing her shit in the hallway when some jackass refuses to pay her the agreed upon price. Also honey, get the money first. I thought that was in the hooker rule book.
The fact that men, with strong ‘type a personalities’, on business trips, fuck chicks that aren’t their wives is hardly news. The fact that the people that travel a lot, with the president mind you, whore around barely registers on my radar as news. It shouldn’t happen, and we should vet them better I agree, but it’s a sidebar news story at best.
What did the leaders of all these nations just south of us discuss? That’s the story.
You know the things that might have an impact on our lives.
It’s the pretty white girl missing/shark just attacked a person story … really it is.
And those suck. They always suck. They have the nutrional value (news wise) of a twinkie.
They also taste like twinkies, they are twinkie news items. They taste good, they are always fresh but they are really, really fucking useless.
Natalie Halloways = “News Twinkie”.
Natalie Halloway didn’t matter. You know it, I know it and that drunken bum on the corner knows it. For that matter that homeless guy with the “great pipes” didn’t fucking matter but at least he was treated as feature material and not news.
At the end of the day, when either Natalie Halloway’s disappearance or the Secret Service’s hooker breakdownapoloza , rode the high tide of the news wave, we missed out on important news.
They are exactly the same because you, me and the people next to us suck. We love pointless news. What was the big story before the attacks of 9-11? Yeah, it was shark attacks off the coast of Florida, which are, if you read a bit, the most non-news event in the world.
Seriously only about 20 people die a year from shark attacks. You’re more likely to be fired as a U.S. federal employee than killed by a shark. Maybe that’s why it’s on the news, rarity.
Does it matter really to the greater good if a pretty 18-year-old white blonde girl is missing? Not at all. Does it matter? Should it be reported? Is it important? Yes of course but does it deserve top story coverage on every news network for weeks, months and (Madeleine McCann) years later?
And it’s always, fuck you I’m right here, ALWAYS pretty white girls. Okay maybe occasionally it a white child or a very attractive non-white person but if the media is so damned liberal why are they so racist and/or misogynist when it comes to missing persons.
Also I’m getting older and REALLY bitchy.
Here’s fun. Open Google, select the news category and type in missing white girl. Scroll down, drink in the results. Now type in, “missing African American girl”. Scroll down and realize that fuck the media doesn’t give two-shits about the left or right but only about what will get you to stick around so that the ad next to the story they did about that says “white teeth in just 7 days!” will get them the ad revenue they crave.
Charles Taylor’s conviction will make NBC, CBS, ABC and FOX’s news cycle tomorrow morning when I wake up. It might even be the top story. But by Monday it’ll be forgotten and I’ll still get to hear all about which Secret Service Agent resigned and which prostitute just signed a reality show contract for American TV.
I’ll watch it or I’ll read it and it will be all my (and your) fault.
- The Hooker that was Stiffed by the Secret Service (economicpolicyjournal.com)