While scanning the Huffington Post this morning I found this bit of happy news, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D), sponsored a bill requiring that men receive a rectal exam before allowing a doctor to proscribe erectile enhancement drugs.
I want to buy Ms. Howell a beer, or a glass of wine or whatever the hell she wants to drink because, aside from the message here, that’s brilliantly funny.
To anyone not paying attention, the GOP’s efforts to turn the clock back to 1951 in regards to women’s reproductive rights are hitting the news channels with frightening (read it’s an election year) regularity. It’s as if the GOP is standing on the nation’s soap box yelling that women can’t be trusted with their own bodies and that if everyone would just stop with all the fucking the world would be pure again. Purely empty maybe but you get my meaning.
While I’m sure most republican’s realize Mad Men is not a reality show and that it’s in fact 2012, the rest of us thought we’d solved this whole contraceptives, abortion, women’s health debate years ago.
Apparently we were misinformed.
In February Virginia attempted to require that doctors perform a vaginal ultrasound before allowing a woman to have an abortion. While there are legitimate, if only because of state law, reasons prior to an abortion, for a vaginal and other types of ultrasound public outcry, correctly, pointed out that the doctor is more likely to know which procedure is best and which is just a state-mandated, invasive, and all around ‘get your ass back in the kitchen’ misogynistic bullshit.
This from the side of the fence that constantly screams about Obama Care being an example of invasive government.
Arizona also joined in the fun. But in typical Arizona fashion they added their own “just fucking mean” amendment to their abortion bill.* In effect they tried to make it legal for your doctor to lie to you, you meaning a woman, you know the lesser sex. “No ma’am you’re not pregnant, that morning sickness can all be attributed to bad tacos and come back in a few months when you’ve already discovered the truth.”
Jesus Christ Arizona, when not yelling at the president on national TV, decrying that the president isn’t a natural born citizen or hassling brown people you’re writing laws that tell doctors its okay to lie to their patients. People often look to Florida for crazy state politics and with good reason. Arizona though also has crazy politics, but unlike Florida, in Az. it’s just fucking mean.
Also if you look at … wait! Holy crap I just really, really read those links and while Virginia and Arizona are getting the flak, both bills have ALREADY been adopted by lots of other states. Those sneaky bastards.
This paragraph, the one your reading right now, was going to be a nod to Ron Paul supporters. I was going to say that although I think he’s a little too out there on some issues his stance on no government interference in reproductive rights is dead on the money. Was. Going. To. Key words, there because even libertarian ‘die in the street if you don’t have health insurance’ candidate Ron Paul is against a woman’s right to decide.
That’s why both Huffington Post links are just that hysterical. (Mostly) women legislators throwing the crazy right back in to the GOP’s faces.
While some states want to mandate a vaginal probe with a 10 inch … dildo? No. A 10-inch vibrator? No that wasn’t the term it’s a 10 inch sonogram wand. I’m not making that up, although Gary Trudeau’s of Doonesbury fame, is catching flack for calling these bills out for what they are, and referring to the devices as ‘shaming wands’ which strikes closer to the law’s intent I think. Here’s a link to the actual cartoon and here’s a link to the rape quote he used in an interview with the Guardian. Rape might be a bit strong but what do you call a medically unnecessary transvaginal ultrasound? I mean it does sound kind of ‘rapey’ or just fucking plain out creepy. It also takes ‘intrusive government health care’ to a different level
There’s the spilled semen bill (I’m not kidding) which I think was a Monty Python skit that seeks to, no shit, criminalizes men who ejaculate anywhere but inside a woman’s vagina. You’re killing my porn but it just might be worth it. There’s also Illinois state Rep. Kelly Cassidy who wants to force men hoping for a Viagra prescription to watch a film about men with painful boners. Which I have to say is hysterical as well and bringing home the point. You want boner pills? Fine but first you have to watch this three hour movie of a man groaning in agony with an erect, throbbing, painful purple cock. I’ll just press play, popcorn with extra butter anyone?
Finally there’s this quote from the article:
Representatives of the Family Research Council Jeanne Monahan said, “… it’s an invasive surgery with real consequences, and I would think that most women want more rather than less information before having one.”
Which makes me wonder what the fuck Jeanne thinks Google and or conversations with doctors are for? Well fair question is you live in Arizona I guess.
If you’re reading this and you’re planning on voting come November and specially if you have a vagina, but even if you don’t, I hope you take all these things into consideration and remember that only one party is out to fuck you, with a 10-inch shaming wand.
*to be fair the Arizona law has a sort of/kind of honest background. It’s about couples that aren’t informed by their doctors that the fetus has some sort of deliberating medical condition which, after birth, causes said couples to, rightly I would guess; sue the fuck out of the doctor. Although why the law is written in such a way that doesn’t help the couples as opposed to the doctor is anyone’s guess (hint: it’s Arizona is likely a good guess).