Facebook posts that piss me off …

Cancer is BAD!

I admit it, I was too cool.

Remember the old email spam that said for every forward of an email that Bill Gates will donkey-punch a hooker, err I mean he would give a nickel to (insert the charity here)?  If you ever received one you (hopefully) rolled your eyes and questioned the wisdom of getting Gramma an internet connection. As retarded as those emails were, this one is even worse. How is posting this honoring anyone or anything? This has the exact same effect of my opening my bedroom window and yelling, “I honor cancer victims,” really, really loudly. Actually that has more effec. It’ll annoy the neighbors and might scare a cat. You want to show me that you honor cancer victims?  Upload a receipt of your donation to a cancer charity or better yet do some volunteer work. That honors cancer victims. Jesus Christ, I need a fucking cigarette.   

Look, if I was 100 percent truthful you’d beat the crap out of me

This one is for people who never got over the whole Santa Claus thing.   

Basically, Santa was having an affair with your mom, you knew that right?

 Fine, but sit down and have a drink first.  Yes, you’re too fat.  That’s an ugly baby.  You really are stupid. That dress makes you look like a whore.  I thought your idea was idiotic.   I haven’t written or called because I don’t give a shit. Oh yeah, and you’re new hobby doesn’t interest me at all. I’m going out for a drink with the boys because you’re driving me insane. I bought you this expensive gift because I thought it would get me into your pants. I spent little Johnny’s college fund on hookers and blow last weekend in Vegas, the bank didn’t a mistake.

You’re right that was better.

 No, it really doesn’t matter, even though you think it does

After its all over I’m having a beer

If we’re really gone, as in dead, it doesn’t  matter, at all. How we treat each other matters right now, not later and surely not after we’re dead.   On my tombstone put:

Todd Oliver*
Born blah, blah, blah
Died blah, blah, blah.

 * he was an asshole

 I’ll be gone.  I won’t mind, It’s okay really.

I know this is talking about after an argument, but when I first read it I thought it meant after we’re dead.

This or That? When or Why

lolz at fat gurls!

I know exactly when this happened; it was Nov 20, 1993, at exactly 4:13 p.m., I remember because I was eating a cheeseburger. 

It was a really good cheeseburger. 

Why did this become hotter than this? That’s the real question here isn’t it?   I can tell you why, because you and me and every one of us “bought” it.

 We drive the market for this shit not the other way around. As an aside anyone else find it hysterical that we Americans get collectively fatter each year while our super models could blend in with famine victims?  

That shit cracks me up.

I ♥ ‘MERICA!

Get yer gun!

 

I post on face book a lot of political shit. Seriously it’s a lot of political crap, my wild ass guess is that about 50 percent of what I say there relates to politics.  But even this, were it to reflect my political opinions, is over the top.

Let’s start at the bottom and work our way up. 

Eighty-six percent of the people reading this are going to finally have 100 percent proof  that you’re an idiot.   Your two redneck friends from high school will repost it and your coworkers are going to eye you suspiciously at work tomorrow.

Term limits. Good idea, if only we had some sort of voting system to help us with that.

Balanced budget AND tax reform? I hope you were extra good this year if that’s what you’re hoping to get for Christmas. You want these things? Good idea, next time you vote for a senator, congressman or even the president, make sure that he or she can compromise a bit. That’s how this  should work, each side gives a little and the result is in the middle. Simply yelling “no” is what 2-year-olds do.

No freebies to non citizens and closed borders: first off no voy a recoger la lechuga de mierda and does the term xenophobia mean anything to you?  Because you forgot to add it. I’ll give you a free one, no shira law either, amiright?  

The constitution and the bill of rights are great, but how is that culture? Look, you can have a bill of rights and a constitution and live in a society where every second Sunday of the month all males over the age of 16 dip their balls in green paint and yell, “I have green balls,” because that’s the cultural norm.  

English is a language. Now  please look up culture, thanks.  

Ahh, here is the nut of it, “Obama gone.” Relax man he will be gone … in 2016.

 Lay off the drugs (while on Facebook)

 This one is just weird.  It’s like Frodo from Lord of the Rings meets soft porn and well she does have a sweet rack.

I think I need this printed on a shirt

Anyway, can anyone explain this? I thought not. Has anyone told that three-wolf -one-moon guy at Amazon about this image? Can someone? Thanks.

That’s great. Are you going to show me your boobs or not?

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