Places I have found my beer

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Dear future Todd, thanks for inventing the wireless recharging concept. Had you not done that we, back here in 2012, would still have to herd our devices into these odd places in our houses that have become these miniature docking stations for all of our rechargeable devices. I, unlike Dagmar, like to have all the rechargeables in the same spot, which makes no sense I realize, but I DO! It’s like having my entire rechargeable herd corralled in one location, which I think makes me a cowboy, somehow. It’s funny because I used the word herd.

Building a fire, while drinking beer, is a requirement … normal place to lose your beer.

Look, fire and beer go TOGETHER.  It’s a fact, like the Catholic Chruch and boy love go together … Sorry wait, it’s NOT like that.

OK, anyone who knows me knows I’m not washing dishes. I’d never even have a reason to put a beer down here. How did this beer get in here?

In the Todd Oliver household, the LADIES do the dishes.  

Unless they tell me I have to do them, because in that case, I do them.

A rare photo, by me, that doesn’t make Gina Gray look like she’s picking her nose.

I admit it. I love photos of chicks washing dishes. Cracks me up every time, I don’t know why. Moments later they showered me with hot threesome loving. And by “hot threesome loving” I mean they both bossed me around for an hour, generally nagged me and then, you know, that equals hot threesome loving.

This one really makes sense. I’m going to the garage to have a smoke and forgot my beer near the garage door. Innocent really. This is the door to the garage.

I smoke.  I don’t mind going outside to do it or even going into the basement…

In the garage it’s pretty SOP, put the beer on Rick’s hood … no chance of forgetting a beer on Rick’s BMW hood.

I feel like I should be honest here. Honest about Rick’s BMW and how I treat it. I don’t always put the beer on the hood. That would be a dick move.  Sometimes, just to mix it up, I put it inside the car.

What man hasn’t left his beer in a place like this once or twice ….

Yeah my house has a urinal. Some houses in Germany do.  Not that unusual. What was unusual is that Dagmar and our good friend Alex had a bizarre discussion once about how you couldn’t poop in it, as if that was ever up for debate.

OK, look, once or twice I forgot a beer here.

Dear Alex and Dagmar, this is where you poop weirdoes. For the record this is my bathroom, which explains the smell of awesome and the extra toilet paper … extra awesome requires extra toilet paper.

After a long day I like to read my beer a story before tucking it in for the night.

There it is … safely tucked into bed.

Actually this photo seems retarded now. When I took it (after having drank said beer) I found it HYSTERICAL. “Aww there’s my little beer, all tucked into bed,” drunk Todd thought. Sober, I think, it makes no sense and really isn’t that funny. Anyway, what IS funny is that I took it on Dagmar’s side of the bed. 

You know in case some of the leftover beer spilled, I don’t want that crap on MY pillow.

Sometimes you find it JUST WHERE YOU LEFT IT ….

In my defense, I was distracted when I left it here.

Yeah, all this for a (insert your own … starts with a b and ends with job, not Steve Jobs, unless you’re into that) joke…