I like me some Rick Bumgardner. I DO! When not stealing other people’s clothes* he’s a nice guy, generally an all-around good dude.
One thing, though, that a lot of you might not know about Rick is that he is a stickler for details. Remember those mattress tags, the ones back in the 80s before they became comedic fodder? When they said “Do not remove under penalty of law” with no mention of the joke-killing, “except by customer” line added later? Remember those?
Yeah, Rick was the kind of dude who took that shit seriously.
Remember when cans of soda said, “serving size two?” Rick, I’m positive, drank half and then saved the other half because the instructions TOLD HIM TO!
He’s a lot like my wife with his blind adherence to the instructions. That’s probably why I love/hate him so much. Rick, if you’re unaware, is an award-winning (many time over) photographer and videographer. Very talented with either a still camera or a video camera. But he’s also the kind of dude who reads the instructions, FULLY, before opening a box of Cap’n Crunch.
That’s why I’ve decided to drive him insane.
Several weeks ago, Rick parked his brand new baby in my garage. A 2010 BMW. And OH boy, ain’t she pretty. I know she’s pretty because every time I go into the garage to smoke or to get a beer (or BOTH!) I get to look at it. It’s so blue it’s like an ocean. That hood just so blank, open, blank. Blank like a … like a what? Like a blank slate? Like a blank easel? Like a blank frame? Like a blank … I got it, like a blank canvas!
I don’t know about you, but when I see a blank canvas my mind immediately thinks of that age-old kid game, army guys vs. dinosaurs. You know, you find a suitable pile of dirt in the back yard. You had a handful of green plastic army guys (complete with bazooka dude, grenade man and pistol guy) and another handful of candy-colored dinosaurs and oh man, they were gonna fight!
For the record, I am taking suggestions for future performances on Rick’s BMW hood. Maybe some historical battles from the Civil War (the south are the dinosaurs!), maybe an epic replaying of the battle of Thermopolis, maybe a scene from Lord of the Rings, you know, the one with the swords and the orcs?
Just so I don’t seem like a sexist pig, well like ANY MORE of a sexist pig, I’d even be willing to reenact a few chick flicks. Got a favorite Thelma & Louise scene (car chase, amiright!?!) or maybe a great moment from Driving Miss Daisy? Let me know ladies, the blank canvas of Rick’s hood knows NO boundaries!
Leave a comment and I’ll reenact it for you … cause it’s just that much fun.
* While on a business trip with Rick, on the way to a pizza/beer place, I stopped and bought a shirt at some store. At the restaurant I went outside to smoke and when I came back Rick was WEARING my new shirt while EATING pizza. I knew then that this had to be done.